Interview: actress Yvonne Strahovski

                                                                   
Me: Thank you for agreeing to this interview. It’ll be a big traffic boost for me.
Yvonne: I didn’t agree to a bloody thing. You’re just making all this up.
Me: Stop playing hard to get, Yvonne. We’re already here, it’s time to deliver.
Yvonne. Fine, whatever.
Me: Besides, if I was making this all up, wouldn’t I make you more….agreeable?
Yvonne: Not if you like being abused by women.
Me: …..
Yvonne: You know, that would explain a lot about your love life.
Me: YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH RIGHT NOW.
Yvonne: Oooh, touch a nerve there, did I?
Me: MOVING RIGHT ALONG….When did you first get into show business?
Yvonne: Go search Wikipedia. That’s such a lame question I don’t have to answer it.
Me: (gritting teeth) FINE. Here’s a new, fresh, and interesting question. Is it true that you find fat, balding men who smell of coffee arousing?
Yvonne: WHAT? NO!
Me: Stop being coy, Yvonne. I saw how you were looking at me earlier.
Yvonne: I WAS NOT!
Me: OK, enough flirting. Next question: Is it true that your paternal grandfather was a Nazi camp guard who fled to Australia after the war?
Yvonne: NO! That is a vicious lie propogated by the Zionist-controlled media.
Me: So, you deny the charge?
Yvonne: I deny it completely.
Me: But you do, in fact, have blond hair and blue eyes.
Yvonne: Yes…..
Me: That proves that your grandfather was a Nazi, does it not?
Yvonne: NO!
Me: I know the truth Yvonne. Admit it.
Yvonne: Admit what? That this entire thing has been a pack of lies from start to finish?
Me: Admit that you are a product of secret Nazi genetic engineering work designed to create the perfect woman. Smuggled out of Germany before the end of the war, you were given to foster parents to raise.
Yvonne: You’re bloody insane!
Me: The truth is out. You are simply too sexy to exist. Not to mention the brains and biotics. Your father gave you everything to carry out his dynasty, except love.
Yvonne: Biotics?......what…… you’re talking about the character I played in Mass Effect 2, Miranda!
Me: More Zionist propaganda! I know the truth!
Yvonne: Listen to me, you bleedin’ psycho: I am not the characters I play. I ACT. It’s NOT REAL!
Me: Oh, so you deny your involvement with Cerberus?
Yvonne: You are a truly disturbed individual and you need help. And a size XXXXL straitjacket. This interview is over.
Me: Wait, Mira – er, Yvonne! You can’t run away from the truth!
(footsteps receding rapidly into the distance)
(sound of interviewer crying forlornly in the corner)